Blogs for Happiness #5: Kinder>School>Real World-How do the Transition Programs stack up?

Having a four year old at Kinder we’re starting to look at schools. The Transition Program has started already, and it’s only March. There is a great deal of emphasis on ensuring each child is comfortable and at ease for this huge change in life.

Some schools start their transition visits next month, and a part of me is crying out “Can’t they just enjoy being four?” What’s the rush, I ask? But perhaps those schools aren’t for us.

We had a lovely time recently at a local school fair and for the first time ever my son left my side to chase other boys around the yard. It was water pistols at 20 feet for an hour and a half. Coincidentally I chose to get some shade at the stall that was run by the Prep teacher and now I’m loaded up with brochures on ‘The Friendly School’.

As a result, when we drive past that school now, McEwan says ‘That’s my school I’m going to with Rider’. Even when we point out other schools, and other friends going to it, he’s quite determined. It’s very sweet and reassuring to see his confidence and certainty.

What I like about this school that we’ll probably choose is the continued emphasis on creativity and fostering individual interests. Toddlers learn that imagination and exploration of their world is so important. Just look at all the toys that are made to encourage these skills.

We are also, much to the parents’ relief, reassured about differences in development as each child is expected to be at different levels of capability. For a while I was concerned that McEwan was ‘behind’ in his counting because he showed no interest at all in counting to 20 and all his little mates did. But recently he nailed it, and proceeded to count every item in the house for days on end: the stairs, his cars, the peas, and was hitting his stride in the 30’s and 40’s and on and on.

I imagine the transition into High School from Primary is also implemented with such support, care and attention to the child’s comfort.

However, I am starting to question how well we transition teenagers into the real world from High School. I started to ponder this whole issue a few weeks back when at the chemist.

Poor McEwan. The dentist has told him to stop sucking his thumb as he has changed the shape of his mouth and his new teeth won’t have enough room to grow in. So now I’m taking this seriously. We’ve tried consequences and rewards-but have realised it’s not behaviour; it’s a habit.

I had finally decided to buy the nasty tasting stuff that you put on your nails. It’s pretty drastic for all of us.

The young sales girl assured me I had chosen the right product. ‘Oh yes, I used to bite my nails terribly’ she said. “It worked really well and I stopped. Oh, except for Year Twelve, at exam time. It didn’t work then.”

Well, that stopped me in my tracks. How could something have been allowed to become so stressful for someone at such a young age? Why did she feel so much pressure that something that was previously toxic to her became powerless to help? Where was the support and transition program in place to ensure that this girl felt comfortable and excited to be taking the next step in life?

What I want to ask is this: why does the Education System transform from encouraging creativity and imagination in young children to squishing it with stressful exams and unreasonable pressure to perform and be rated in boxed-in comparisons with others?

And now I wonder if perhaps parents haven’t been helping either? Can’t we take a lesson from our younger years and foster individualism and creativity in our teenagers too? Surely Blue and Pink hair is just another great drawing brought home to show mum and dad. At what point do parents change from being proud of their children’s artistic abilities and self-expression to grounding them for it? Do you have an insight for me?

Raising Children: B4H

Blogs for Happiness #4: Alien Anal Probe or VE: What Would You Prefer?

I pose to you the above question, keeping in mind that I managed to get through my entire pregnancy without having to have the dreaded Vaginal Examination. It wasn’t until the very last stages of my labour that the doctor tried manually to get my cervix to 10 cm, as I was an inch shy of doing it on my own. By then I was grateful for any technique used to deliver my boy safely to the world. Forceps, epidurals, surgery; bring it on!

I’ve watched dozens of films that portray the VE as a mandatory part of a maternal health visit to the doctor. I hope that it is just because it is such rich comedy material, because I’m sorry, now I’m thinking, ‘Pervs!’ when I discovered that VEs aren’t necessary unless there’s trouble perceived.

The same goes with scans. It irritates me when I hear couples say, ‘We’re going for our 20 week scan’ as if it is something that has to be done as part of the routine. Through lots of research, I’ve read that scans are a very useful tool in the Health Industry when things aren’t going to plan. However it seems they aren’t needed in a routine, healthy, normal pregnancy. Some research shows that results from scans are a bit iffy too-not so great with the accuracy. How would you feel if you terminated a child that a scan had shown to be defective in some way, only to find out the scan was incorrect? The whole ‘defective’ theory is another conversation to be had about our perceptions of ’normality’ and the gift that is a child, any child.

Immunisation suffers from the same fate.  I’ve read that it is primarily aimed at lower socio-economic families where good nutrition and health is a problem. You don’t have to have it. If you feel uncomfortable about your child being injected with substances such as Aluminium and have read horror stories of children being damaged by immunisation, then you don’t have to do it.

We used Homeopathic Immunisation in the lovely form of little sweet pills. You just sign a conscientious objector form and away you go.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely for all these wonderful innovations that mankind has invented to improve our health and safety. And choice. (I think if I got pregnant again I would like to know the sex this time.)

What annoys me is that the Health Industry (and megabucks industry it is) doesn’t present these technological miracles as choices but as seemingly mandatory.  Not to mention the huge financial drain (and profit for some) on the Health Service to use these services so frequently-money that could be put towards other needs.

I’d like to see these modern medical aids more clearly presented by Health Professionals as choices. And I’d like all the young people starting to have families to know that.

Spread the word; we can choose how probed we’d like to be.

My Website: Booksforhappiness.com

Blogs for Happiness #3: To Tend and Befriend: A Woman’s Instinct for Survival

I found out the most extraordinary thing recently that has rocked my world. The women who I shared this with couldn’t believe they hadn’t heard of it either and all went, “Oh-that explains a lot”.

It turns out (new research shows-don’t we love/hate that saying) that women release a different hormone to men when experiencing chronic stress. Whilst both sexes release cortisol under acute stress (the fight-or-flight hormone) women then come under the spell of oxytocin, thus secreting the secret-women’s-business hormone.  This compels them to nurture themselves and their young (the tending) and form alliances with others (the befriending).

It seems that females may need to protect their young in a stressful situation. Fleeing too soon might be a problem. Oxytocin, (the hormone released in childbirth) produces a feeling of relaxation, reduces fear, and decreases some components of the fight-or-flight response.

This absolutely rang peals of bells for me and it also made me scream ‘textbook!’ when I examined some relationships that are clearly under stress. It explains why, when friends throw up their hands in despair and ask, ‘Why is she still with him?’ a woman will often not know the answer.

It explains why women seem to grow stronger in times of personal crisis, as you see their fear reduce and they start to look after their own needs more; getting manicures, taking holidays, meditating on the benefits of squeezing more yoga into each week.

It explains why women get together and discuss to death their husbands’ ‘failings’. See ‘Mothers Groups’ for the Dictionary definition of that!

Tell me you didn’t know this-and if you did-why didn’t you tell me?!

For more info on this topic go to About.com-Tend and Befriend

Blogs for Happiness #1: With great power...

My successfully published author friend Barbara Gaskell-Denvil had the idea over lunch recently that I write a weekly blog about the goings-on in my life.

My first story is about a lesson I learned whilst teaching our little boy that “just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should”.

So he’s four-and he’s kicking the back of the driver’s seat because he can reach it now. Daddy asks him to stop via the above quote. So quick as a flash I chime in using my most ominous voice “with great power comes great responsibility”. We’ve been watching Spiderman.

The importance of that concept occurred to me as I glanced over to my husband. He’s a male, physically larger and stronger than me. He could beat me to a pulp-but he doesn’t. I have power in other ways-as do all women-but just because we can do things that could hurt others doesn’t give us the right to do so.

I feel children, especially boys, need to learn this lesson very early on, as a means to garner self-control, respect and thoughtfulness towards others, especially those considered ‘weaker’. (Animals included!) 

I have always taken the position that my son has never been too young to learn important life lessons and skills as they cross our path. I present him with information and encourage him to make choices about his behaviour. So far, we’re finding him to be a mostly well-behaved and thoughtful boy-and mischievous, funny and pushing the boundaries as far as he can at all times-as he should at his age!

Do you have an example of a lesson you learned whilst teaching something to someone else? Or a story about power and its use (or misuse) I’d love to hear it…

Follow this link to great books that explore this further: Steve Biddulph