Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Blogs for Happiness #3: To Tend and Befriend: A Woman’s Instinct for Survival


I found out the most extraordinary thing recently that has rocked my world. The women who I shared this with couldn’t believe they hadn’t heard of it either and all went,Oh-that explains a lot”.

It turns out (new research shows-don’t we love/hate that saying) that women release a different hormone to men when experiencing chronic stress. Whilst both sexes release cortisol under acute stress (the fight-or-flight hormone) women then come under the spell of oxytocin, thus secreting the secret-women’s-business hormone.  This compels them to nurture themselves and their young (the tending) and form alliances with others (the befriending).
It seems that females may need to protect their young in a stressful situation. Fleeing too soon might be a problem. Oxytocin, (the hormone released in childbirth) produces a feeling of relaxation, reduces fear, and decreases some components of the fight-or-flight response.

This absolutely rang peals of bells for me and it also made me scream ‘textbook!’ when I examined some relationships that are clearly under stress. It explains why, when friends throw up their hands in despair and ask, ‘Why is she still with him?’ a woman will often not know the answer.

It explains why women seem to grow stronger in times of personal crisis, as you see their fear reduce and they start to look after their own needs more; getting manicures, taking holidays, meditating on the benefits of squeezing more yoga into each week.

It explains why women get together and discuss to death their husbands ‘failings’. See ‘Mothers Groups’ for the Dictionary definition of that!

Tell me you didn’t know this-and if you did-why didn’t you tell me?!

For more info on this topic go to About.com-Tend and Befriend

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