Blogs for Happiness #6: Autumn in the Yarra Valley. Part One.

The seasons change quickly and dramatically in Victoria. Last weekend we were frolicking on a beach in East Gippsland with the ocean still holding its summer warmth. This week we’re scrambling for scarves and extra layers as the thermometer on the porch has plunged to 9 degrees. The first fire for the season was lit over Easter and a long winter of collecting kindling and sourcing firewood stretches ahead of us. I look forward to snuggling up with warming brews and gooey cheeses and going up a dress size keeping warm by eating bakes, stews and lasagnas in our newly converted to gas oven. 

The autumn colour is starting to really blaze. The reason we chose to live in the Yarra Valley was for the European trees that are so abundant. Whilst living in Scotland and England we became smitten with the dramatic seasonal changes that are mostly due to the gaining and losing of leaves on certain trees. I can stand under an oak at any time of year and be transported to a fairyland story of my childhood. We have such a tree in our yard; I fully expect to see Moonface and Silky sliding down its interior and greeting us with big smiles as they pop out the bottom, landing on soft cushions with a gentle bump.

Living here is just like living in fairyland. Autumn transports you to a pixie world as the silver birch and pine trees start to see villages of red and white spotted toadstools inhabit the land. The moss in the lawn feels ancient and looks as though goblins might convene there to plot mischief. Even the tulips and daffodils grow in circles that the fairies can dance around. (Oh wait, that was me playing a trick on my neighbours!)

Another fairytale land we lived in was near Loch Lomond just north of Glasgow at the foot of the Campsie Fells. We decided to walk the West Highland Way on a whim and as darkness slowly started to creep up on us one night I could swear there was going to be trolls around the corner. The ground was gnarled with twisted tree roots and we started to run, as a centuries old feeling of panic arose that we were on truly ancient magical ground. No trolls thank goodness but we have never pitched a tent so fast as to escape what felt alarmingly like the real Middle Earth.

Returning from the UK we moved back to Perth and missed all the European peculiarities especially the deciduous trees.  As Perth is hot and sunny in summer and mild and sunny in winter we became bored with the sameness of it all. It’s far too lovely, all the time. The natives’ have constantly bare brown limbs cruising around, always on and in and around the water. It’s all a bit too idyllic for me. I was never much of a yachtsman anyway. My head was over the side of the boat the whole way to Rottnest Island most of the time. My poor dad was disappointed in the lack of seamanship in the rest of our family too.

Back to the Yarra Valley and I prefer the drama and interest of this swirling, constantly changing landscape.  One morning, on my drive to work in Healesville, the cloud filled sky had the brilliant, bright, luminous energy of a ferocious Blake painting. The next morning it was all subdued and muted with the gentle hues of an early Constable. The rainbows that regularly arc over Mount Riddell at breakfast time absolutely take my breath away.

So it’s drama for me, and our valley is a perfect fit. Does your home hold the same enthralling spell for you? I’d love to hear…

Books for Happiness.com

Blogs for Happiness #5: Kinder>School>Real World-How do the Transition Programs stack up?

Having a four year old at Kinder we’re starting to look at schools. The Transition Program has started already, and it’s only March. There is a great deal of emphasis on ensuring each child is comfortable and at ease for this huge change in life.

Some schools start their transition visits next month, and a part of me is crying out “Can’t they just enjoy being four?” What’s the rush, I ask? But perhaps those schools aren’t for us.

We had a lovely time recently at a local school fair and for the first time ever my son left my side to chase other boys around the yard. It was water pistols at 20 feet for an hour and a half. Coincidentally I chose to get some shade at the stall that was run by the Prep teacher and now I’m loaded up with brochures on ‘The Friendly School’.

As a result, when we drive past that school now, McEwan says ‘That’s my school I’m going to with Rider’. Even when we point out other schools, and other friends going to it, he’s quite determined. It’s very sweet and reassuring to see his confidence and certainty.

What I like about this school that we’ll probably choose is the continued emphasis on creativity and fostering individual interests. Toddlers learn that imagination and exploration of their world is so important. Just look at all the toys that are made to encourage these skills.

We are also, much to the parents’ relief, reassured about differences in development as each child is expected to be at different levels of capability. For a while I was concerned that McEwan was ‘behind’ in his counting because he showed no interest at all in counting to 20 and all his little mates did. But recently he nailed it, and proceeded to count every item in the house for days on end: the stairs, his cars, the peas, and was hitting his stride in the 30’s and 40’s and on and on.

I imagine the transition into High School from Primary is also implemented with such support, care and attention to the child’s comfort.

However, I am starting to question how well we transition teenagers into the real world from High School. I started to ponder this whole issue a few weeks back when at the chemist.

Poor McEwan. The dentist has told him to stop sucking his thumb as he has changed the shape of his mouth and his new teeth won’t have enough room to grow in. So now I’m taking this seriously. We’ve tried consequences and rewards-but have realised it’s not behaviour; it’s a habit.

I had finally decided to buy the nasty tasting stuff that you put on your nails. It’s pretty drastic for all of us.

The young sales girl assured me I had chosen the right product. ‘Oh yes, I used to bite my nails terribly’ she said. “It worked really well and I stopped. Oh, except for Year Twelve, at exam time. It didn’t work then.”

Well, that stopped me in my tracks. How could something have been allowed to become so stressful for someone at such a young age? Why did she feel so much pressure that something that was previously toxic to her became powerless to help? Where was the support and transition program in place to ensure that this girl felt comfortable and excited to be taking the next step in life?

What I want to ask is this: why does the Education System transform from encouraging creativity and imagination in young children to squishing it with stressful exams and unreasonable pressure to perform and be rated in boxed-in comparisons with others?

And now I wonder if perhaps parents haven’t been helping either? Can’t we take a lesson from our younger years and foster individualism and creativity in our teenagers too? Surely Blue and Pink hair is just another great drawing brought home to show mum and dad. At what point do parents change from being proud of their children’s artistic abilities and self-expression to grounding them for it? Do you have an insight for me?

Raising Children: B4H

Blogs for Happiness #3: To Tend and Befriend: A Woman’s Instinct for Survival

I found out the most extraordinary thing recently that has rocked my world. The women who I shared this with couldn’t believe they hadn’t heard of it either and all went, “Oh-that explains a lot”.

It turns out (new research shows-don’t we love/hate that saying) that women release a different hormone to men when experiencing chronic stress. Whilst both sexes release cortisol under acute stress (the fight-or-flight hormone) women then come under the spell of oxytocin, thus secreting the secret-women’s-business hormone.  This compels them to nurture themselves and their young (the tending) and form alliances with others (the befriending).

It seems that females may need to protect their young in a stressful situation. Fleeing too soon might be a problem. Oxytocin, (the hormone released in childbirth) produces a feeling of relaxation, reduces fear, and decreases some components of the fight-or-flight response.

This absolutely rang peals of bells for me and it also made me scream ‘textbook!’ when I examined some relationships that are clearly under stress. It explains why, when friends throw up their hands in despair and ask, ‘Why is she still with him?’ a woman will often not know the answer.

It explains why women seem to grow stronger in times of personal crisis, as you see their fear reduce and they start to look after their own needs more; getting manicures, taking holidays, meditating on the benefits of squeezing more yoga into each week.

It explains why women get together and discuss to death their husbands’ ‘failings’. See ‘Mothers Groups’ for the Dictionary definition of that!

Tell me you didn’t know this-and if you did-why didn’t you tell me?!

For more info on this topic go to About.com-Tend and Befriend

Blogs for Happiness #2: Reflecting upon Ruminations

I was looking on the Internet for some information to help me sleep better when I came across an article about Rumination. I thought this was something to do with cows (as did my boss when I told him about it the next day).

It turns out chewing the cud is exactly what I’ve been doing sometimes for two to three hours a night when all I crave is the blissful unconsciousness of a good night’s sleep.

Rumination can be positive or negative. If we reflect upon a problem then we can usually solve it, but if we brood and obsess, reliving the same thoughts over and over with no solution in sight, it can impact very badly on our health. And this is not just because of lack of sleep. More on that another time...

Once I knew that was what I was doing, it was then easy to label those thoughts as they arose and then let them drift away. I have felt much better since!

Reflecting further upon these Ruminations, I have found a theme. I tend to ruminate about people who I feel have hurt me in some way. There is just a handful, but they had been dominating my thoughts.

When wanting to share this knowledge, I discovered it was with my girlfriends who make me feel good about myself and about whom I have never ruminated. It has been suggested that there is little growth in these relationships, only in those that cause me pain. Well, I like a bit of growth as you know, but goodness, I love to be with my girlfriends who bring me joy and peace and a well deserved break from ‘growing pains’.

Does this strike a chord with you? Do you have ‘growing pains’? Let me know…

To read more about Rumination follow this link to the website I have been reading: About.com/Rumination