Blogs for Happiness #4: Alien Anal Probe or VE: What Would You Prefer?

I pose to you the above question, keeping in mind that I managed to get through my entire pregnancy without having to have the dreaded Vaginal Examination. It wasn’t until the very last stages of my labour that the doctor tried manually to get my cervix to 10 cm, as I was an inch shy of doing it on my own. By then I was grateful for any technique used to deliver my boy safely to the world. Forceps, epidurals, surgery; bring it on!

I’ve watched dozens of films that portray the VE as a mandatory part of a maternal health visit to the doctor. I hope that it is just because it is such rich comedy material, because I’m sorry, now I’m thinking, ‘Pervs!’ when I discovered that VEs aren’t necessary unless there’s trouble perceived.

The same goes with scans. It irritates me when I hear couples say, ‘We’re going for our 20 week scan’ as if it is something that has to be done as part of the routine. Through lots of research, I’ve read that scans are a very useful tool in the Health Industry when things aren’t going to plan. However it seems they aren’t needed in a routine, healthy, normal pregnancy. Some research shows that results from scans are a bit iffy too-not so great with the accuracy. How would you feel if you terminated a child that a scan had shown to be defective in some way, only to find out the scan was incorrect? The whole ‘defective’ theory is another conversation to be had about our perceptions of ’normality’ and the gift that is a child, any child.

Immunisation suffers from the same fate.  I’ve read that it is primarily aimed at lower socio-economic families where good nutrition and health is a problem. You don’t have to have it. If you feel uncomfortable about your child being injected with substances such as Aluminium and have read horror stories of children being damaged by immunisation, then you don’t have to do it.

We used Homeopathic Immunisation in the lovely form of little sweet pills. You just sign a conscientious objector form and away you go.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely for all these wonderful innovations that mankind has invented to improve our health and safety. And choice. (I think if I got pregnant again I would like to know the sex this time.)

What annoys me is that the Health Industry (and megabucks industry it is) doesn’t present these technological miracles as choices but as seemingly mandatory.  Not to mention the huge financial drain (and profit for some) on the Health Service to use these services so frequently-money that could be put towards other needs.

I’d like to see these modern medical aids more clearly presented by Health Professionals as choices. And I’d like all the young people starting to have families to know that.

Spread the word; we can choose how probed we’d like to be.

My Website: Booksforhappiness.com

Blogs for Happiness #3: To Tend and Befriend: A Woman’s Instinct for Survival

I found out the most extraordinary thing recently that has rocked my world. The women who I shared this with couldn’t believe they hadn’t heard of it either and all went, “Oh-that explains a lot”.

It turns out (new research shows-don’t we love/hate that saying) that women release a different hormone to men when experiencing chronic stress. Whilst both sexes release cortisol under acute stress (the fight-or-flight hormone) women then come under the spell of oxytocin, thus secreting the secret-women’s-business hormone.  This compels them to nurture themselves and their young (the tending) and form alliances with others (the befriending).

It seems that females may need to protect their young in a stressful situation. Fleeing too soon might be a problem. Oxytocin, (the hormone released in childbirth) produces a feeling of relaxation, reduces fear, and decreases some components of the fight-or-flight response.

This absolutely rang peals of bells for me and it also made me scream ‘textbook!’ when I examined some relationships that are clearly under stress. It explains why, when friends throw up their hands in despair and ask, ‘Why is she still with him?’ a woman will often not know the answer.

It explains why women seem to grow stronger in times of personal crisis, as you see their fear reduce and they start to look after their own needs more; getting manicures, taking holidays, meditating on the benefits of squeezing more yoga into each week.

It explains why women get together and discuss to death their husbands’ ‘failings’. See ‘Mothers Groups’ for the Dictionary definition of that!

Tell me you didn’t know this-and if you did-why didn’t you tell me?!

For more info on this topic go to About.com-Tend and Befriend

Blogs for Happiness #2: Reflecting upon Ruminations

I was looking on the Internet for some information to help me sleep better when I came across an article about Rumination. I thought this was something to do with cows (as did my boss when I told him about it the next day).

It turns out chewing the cud is exactly what I’ve been doing sometimes for two to three hours a night when all I crave is the blissful unconsciousness of a good night’s sleep.

Rumination can be positive or negative. If we reflect upon a problem then we can usually solve it, but if we brood and obsess, reliving the same thoughts over and over with no solution in sight, it can impact very badly on our health. And this is not just because of lack of sleep. More on that another time...

Once I knew that was what I was doing, it was then easy to label those thoughts as they arose and then let them drift away. I have felt much better since!

Reflecting further upon these Ruminations, I have found a theme. I tend to ruminate about people who I feel have hurt me in some way. There is just a handful, but they had been dominating my thoughts.

When wanting to share this knowledge, I discovered it was with my girlfriends who make me feel good about myself and about whom I have never ruminated. It has been suggested that there is little growth in these relationships, only in those that cause me pain. Well, I like a bit of growth as you know, but goodness, I love to be with my girlfriends who bring me joy and peace and a well deserved break from ‘growing pains’.

Does this strike a chord with you? Do you have ‘growing pains’? Let me know…

To read more about Rumination follow this link to the website I have been reading: About.com/Rumination

Blogs for Happiness #1: With great power...

My successfully published author friend Barbara Gaskell-Denvil had the idea over lunch recently that I write a weekly blog about the goings-on in my life.

My first story is about a lesson I learned whilst teaching our little boy that “just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should”.

So he’s four-and he’s kicking the back of the driver’s seat because he can reach it now. Daddy asks him to stop via the above quote. So quick as a flash I chime in using my most ominous voice “with great power comes great responsibility”. We’ve been watching Spiderman.

The importance of that concept occurred to me as I glanced over to my husband. He’s a male, physically larger and stronger than me. He could beat me to a pulp-but he doesn’t. I have power in other ways-as do all women-but just because we can do things that could hurt others doesn’t give us the right to do so.

I feel children, especially boys, need to learn this lesson very early on, as a means to garner self-control, respect and thoughtfulness towards others, especially those considered ‘weaker’. (Animals included!) 

I have always taken the position that my son has never been too young to learn important life lessons and skills as they cross our path. I present him with information and encourage him to make choices about his behaviour. So far, we’re finding him to be a mostly well-behaved and thoughtful boy-and mischievous, funny and pushing the boundaries as far as he can at all times-as he should at his age!

Do you have an example of a lesson you learned whilst teaching something to someone else? Or a story about power and its use (or misuse) I’d love to hear it…

Follow this link to great books that explore this further: Steve Biddulph